Allergies - Barenaked Ladies

The rambutan effect is finally showing. Funny part is, it doesn't bother me, in fact I had some after my dinner today, who cares right?
Did some reading and know that rambutan is not actually a fruit, it is under the category of tree nut, closest family 'longan' and 'lychi'. Wow totally new info and now I'm allergic to nut? Holy crap!
The allergy thingie totally dictract me from someone, well thanks God, cos it might be His will and I'm ready to obey. Luckily the allergy and some errand keep my head busy, else I will be another psycho freak worried about almost everything and might even pee on my self. Well I'm not totally a psycho freak but sometime it's in our blood that female were born to overdo everything! We can't help to not imagine, we can't help to not worried, the estrogen contribute a lots on this, speaking of which, I read that hormone (eg adrenaline) can help to reduce the effect of food allergy, info reliability? Zero. But despite the fastest way to cure is to inject on my ass, adrenaline sounds fun. And seriously my skin is turning redish specially on my eye lid, itch!!!! I can almost felt the heart beat throwing out from all over the face. And my curious, why only face? Any specific reason? Someone please at least contribute on this research regarding on tree nut allregies? Hello?
But anyhow, am still gonna have some rambutan later, so fuck the allergy!

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In The End - Linkin Park

Another reminiscing day of how bad was my life all over again. Every cold inhale comes with a painful exhale of memories. In the end it will always be me.

It will always be me
Good night me


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Stupid, Stupid War - Dri

its 12:45, i had my lunch and im half laying on my chair in front of my desk, with my eye half open, ticking sound from my watch, and inhaling the 25ºC stupid  air-cond. im suffocated. 

thinking about the poker face with the allowance idea, LMFAO! i had an increment of 40 this year and why on earth will they provide daily meal allowance? well, i dont spread my leg do i? guess someone changed the rule over the empire. new queen raise, new policy new allowance new request new demand. the king is just sniffing the ass walking closely behind the almighty. providing everything that being requested. 

for we are the noble slave, as usual our need were not being noticed. well, why am i not surprise? oh! maybe we are just stupid malaysia who cannot think! who malaysia do not produce any good professor, researcher or any engineer. only the country of the 2 legs do. whole nation of mine were humiliated and look at me, still slaved by them. wondering when can i found my new master to free me from this cold 2-legs! who actually think that they are smart, best mind-set ever. I dont like you say that this is malaysia style, I dont like you say this is chemistry way, please think with your head.. well how bout please do not be so fucking arrogant and think that you are smart! to my government, please please! reconsider the fund you going to waste on them! it is not worth!

Fool, Fool, Fool - Elvis Presley

Almost in my 20 ages I've been fooled by people around me, except my family of course. It makes me realized that, u can't actually trust anyone even ironicly, the one you trust the most. Trust easily delivered and I'm in the game again. Giving out from the most sincere heart and taken by the most ungreatfully soul. Sometimes, I think I shouldn't be that naive I can say, that beliving one do goods and it will be return someday. What is dedicated was stepped harder and harder everytime. Maybe i snapped this time cos I really can't do this anymore. Cruel world is the only excuse I have for myself, and I'm stupid enough to fall for it again and again.

My father once told me:
Fooled me once, shame on you.
Fooled me twice, shame on me.

And hell ya it's all my fault!!! Like usuall! Gimme a break!


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Yesterday - Beatles

Everything used to be perfect before, when there is no wound, no mistake. since Adam took the apple, Eve bare all the fault and blamed for the entire drama.
I miss her so much, miss how can we always talk like before, miss how we are for each other, miss how we share every single boredness. Since then, I'm so alone and I only have my tears and words. I realized I'm actually alone. I'm suffocated for the string that has been so tight on my neck, I struggle and pray for it is the only thing I could do.. . for now...
Just by time I'm almost feeling success and joy, clock strike 12 and dream crush. Maybe I can never get out from my secure land, been crawling around the circle, like how God punished the chosen one. I'm tasting my punishment now, God is taking back all the dreams, telling me to wake up girl! Wake up! It's already 12. And I will go back to the old bored nothing fancy life that I used to have, just like yesterday.
I'm sorry Father, and thank you for the dream.. And i just wish that I will never wake up again..

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Patience - Take That

Dear dairy,

Somehow in the back of my brain, i have an evil plan. to somehow planning to teach those arrogant 2 legs a lesson. tell them who is not stupid and who's land is this that they are stepping on. but then again, i started to think, since when i become a brutal and cruel and violet little brat? that even myself already started to hate it myself.. literally..

it has been so drama recently, thought these only happened in the drama show. how flattered that im actually living in one (NOT!). my patience, in a point, is getting polished into a great sparkling pearls. another level i can say. it reached out to a point that i can actually fell numb and selective? or pretend to be ignorant. and apparently i have to used up my daily routine life for the pass 3 years, (3 years for the sake!!!!) to gain this 'super power' i might say. if i could only transfer those collected patience and released it to them.. oh my.. in my dreams.

now, another one being send to test my patience. i keep and store all those anger inside the closet, keeping my finger cross wishing it wont burst someday, or maybe i can even deliver an anger management course to keep calm? lmao..

ok apparently i need to balance myself out by yanking it out to some innocent listener. sorry for that, i need to transfer it to keep my self motivated? or to reverse psycho-ing my hatred? hmm.. how bout to neutralized my head that filled with concentrated lunatic idea that being called fucking research? (crap.. im talking nonsense!) ok sorry Lord. but how can someone actually be that arrogant and high ego? i was like are they even real? cammon Lord! its not even humane! you know what 2 legs? Einstein used to say

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
Albert Einstein

so for the last time! please stop acting noble you stupid brainless 2 legs!

ok enough stress release for today. another new humiliation for tomorrow! yeah! @$%#@!