Yesterday - Beatles

Everything used to be perfect before, when there is no wound, no mistake. since Adam took the apple, Eve bare all the fault and blamed for the entire drama.
I miss her so much, miss how can we always talk like before, miss how we are for each other, miss how we share every single boredness. Since then, I'm so alone and I only have my tears and words. I realized I'm actually alone. I'm suffocated for the string that has been so tight on my neck, I struggle and pray for it is the only thing I could do.. . for now...
Just by time I'm almost feeling success and joy, clock strike 12 and dream crush. Maybe I can never get out from my secure land, been crawling around the circle, like how God punished the chosen one. I'm tasting my punishment now, God is taking back all the dreams, telling me to wake up girl! Wake up! It's already 12. And I will go back to the old bored nothing fancy life that I used to have, just like yesterday.
I'm sorry Father, and thank you for the dream.. And i just wish that I will never wake up again..

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Patience - Take That

Dear dairy,

Somehow in the back of my brain, i have an evil plan. to somehow planning to teach those arrogant 2 legs a lesson. tell them who is not stupid and who's land is this that they are stepping on. but then again, i started to think, since when i become a brutal and cruel and violet little brat? that even myself already started to hate it myself.. literally..

it has been so drama recently, thought these only happened in the drama show. how flattered that im actually living in one (NOT!). my patience, in a point, is getting polished into a great sparkling pearls. another level i can say. it reached out to a point that i can actually fell numb and selective? or pretend to be ignorant. and apparently i have to used up my daily routine life for the pass 3 years, (3 years for the sake!!!!) to gain this 'super power' i might say. if i could only transfer those collected patience and released it to them.. oh my.. in my dreams.

now, another one being send to test my patience. i keep and store all those anger inside the closet, keeping my finger cross wishing it wont burst someday, or maybe i can even deliver an anger management course to keep calm? lmao..

ok apparently i need to balance myself out by yanking it out to some innocent listener. sorry for that, i need to transfer it to keep my self motivated? or to reverse psycho-ing my hatred? hmm.. how bout to neutralized my head that filled with concentrated lunatic idea that being called fucking research? (crap.. im talking nonsense!) ok sorry Lord. but how can someone actually be that arrogant and high ego? i was like are they even real? cammon Lord! its not even humane! you know what 2 legs? Einstein used to say

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
Albert Einstein

so for the last time! please stop acting noble you stupid brainless 2 legs!

ok enough stress release for today. another new humiliation for tomorrow! yeah! @$%#@!

Jacob Black - The Mitch Hansen

ok i know im a bit (i mean so..!) late about these twilight thingie, but seriously, Jacob Black is hawwwwt! the character and the body (omg!) and yes im aware of his age! but the whole jake idea is just my cup of tea. despite im the hopeless romantic type, he is just perfect for me, and he actually reminding me someone (wink!)

.. counting the days of eclipse in this summer, im getting exited over it. now i understand the twilighters feeling, and still thinking if im one of them.. anyway, a good start of my day blogging bout this black kid. but think bout it, im kinda perky.. ahaha!

p/s: forget bout the song lyrics.. i just need the title..

Revenge In Japanese - Papa Roach

Huai huai huai?? (indicating why why why)

Somewhere in my imagination, I put my fist on the face, a double swing from my leg, knuckle exactly on the waist, back flip on the table and a hammer on the super annoying look..

There is so much to spill, so much to complain with, but it's ok, no one will understand, unless they met the 2 legs moron.

Afterall, we are so much different from them..





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Geography - Judybats

Salvation - Cranberris

Crusification of Christ had completed the salvation that had been prepared for us since the creation of mankind. Transformed to a man and received all kind of humiliation, JC had face it bravely and never give up on us. While being no one but a sinner, day by day, we deteriorating from our initial image which God had planed for us..

Throughout the remembrance of crusification of Christ, i pray that the blood of the Lord can heal us from our deepest sin and past. since July 09 i had face most tragic and impossible event in my whole life and i give thanks to Lord that im still standing here firmly (i can say..) and i survive.

July, just right after i came back from Japan, it was the 17th, friday. I remembered it clearly even though there is nothing special happen that morning. As usually i drive back from work, hopping for a great relaxing and stress-less weekend, i pass by an accident. Its nothing special, a highlux flew across from my lane to the opposite land and crush on a wira, right on top of its front mirror. For me, acting as normal passerby, opened the window and have a peak, thinking in my head that it was another speeding in the rain that cause the slippery, or might be another drunken trip. as i remember, it is so instant and its just happened few second before i pass by. by the time i almost a-car-or-two distance to the wira next to me, i clearly saw a motorist helping the father (driver) to remove his 2-year old  boy out from the car from the front mirror, the car is a mess, it lost the most part of its front engine and crack the whole front mirror, they have to come out from the front mirror due to the serious damage that block the door to open. the boy was head full with blood, father screaming tolong tolong, anakku, anakku!!! non were there to help. beside the 2-year old, father himself was too, cover with fresh blood dipping from head to his cloth, i couldnt remember the colour of his cloth as it is full with blood, his and the boy. everything happened so fast..

then the motorist rush to my lane and come towards my car. i clearly aware that he is coming and wanting for my help for a ride, but there is actually 1 second im wishing he wasnt coming to me. but as i said everything happeend too fast, there is not enough time for me to think,. i swing my door opened and let both of the motorist and the father to enter. as both of them are in my car i stamp the oil paddle, feeling the bottom, and rush to the nearest hospital..

i was so panic i lost my direction. looking from the back mirror, the boy is moaning, i can see there is a huge hole in his forehead, blood keep pouring out while he is laying emotionless in the motorist arm, the father is screaming for help, cursing the hilux-driver, asking me to speed up, yelling for the boy, thanking the motorist and waving out to the car asking for way for me to pass by. while me still panicking, praying for the boy, begging Lord to not take his small life, i can feel the goose bum crawling from my feet, cold shake .. without realizing, my tears falls and again, i dont know where to go. the worst thing is, my car lose its honk early that week, i have no honk to warn others as i slip through the after-work-jam in tuaran by-pass. i could only use the double-light and which eventually out of no where, the double-light was somehow surprise me with a sirens, dont ask me.. i have no idea. thanks God for that, it helps me slip through the jam.

then, safely arrived the kingfisher emergency and drop them. my car is filled with freshly iron smelled blood, the touch of rain from the opened mirror cover the cushion. it took me few minutes to actually think back what had happened, there is a moment where i though about the hilux-driver, but there is no room for him in my car, i feel bad for him lying there alone, keeping my finger cross hoping someone will send him to the hospital. another 30minutes pass, the hilux-driver was sent in by a 3 tone lorry, he is covered in rain and was keep behind the lorry, pour guy, wishing the father couldnt notice him, else i swear he will kill him on the spot. another 30 minutes pass, bad news from the doc, the hilux-guy couldnt make it, forensic came, we were the witness, things recorded.. i left around 9 plus, sending the motorist back to the scene where he left his bike, good person. i go home, thinking how to clean my car, and here goes my july..

then a month + a day after, 18th August, i was robbed! in a petrol station, while filling up the fuel..

it was early in the morning, i couldnt remember the time, while filling up a petrol alone, someone stop by my car, while i was filling up the petrol. without me noticing, he opened the door, snap my handbag! just then, i yell hey!!! he stamp the oil paddle and go. i run half way and couldnt cop up.. the station guys look at me and continue his work. i blank! i rush to the station guy asking for help from his phone, i couldnt recall any number, it was so abrupt im blank almost the whole session. then i manage to call babe micha for help and proceed with the police thingie. i lost almost 3 thousand include cash, my camera and most of my important stuff inside.. ignoring other things that happened, i need to mandy bunga now..

lastly, bong story. it shock the whole kk and nail the newspaper front page just like Leonard said. just few days pass i met him, in Sandra's second baby full moon celebration, we were just talking bout gym, rims, some stories.. and then, he was murdered, by his own brother at 30th March. deeply condolence to his family, i pray in God's name that they can live their life bravely for the rest of their life. His mum is such a strong woman, she didnt cried when we visited, i know she is hiding it well from us. i pray for bong's soul is in peace. he have been complaining that he is having a hard time to sleep, well bong, u can rest now. take care and so long.. we love u bong.

tons of  things happened in the pass half year, when i look back, the unfortunate event is the last thing we ever expect, however, we shall look forward, holding in God's name, live our life brave and never look back. As the idea of the salvation is to free us from our pass and sin, to be a new man. tomorrow, is Easter, there is hope for us, we shall be glad..

Shalom..

Black and White - Michael Jackson

For God so love the world, He gave His only son.

Since the tower of babble, love has no longer exist in this world. Humanity was filled up with hate, anger, discrimination, social status, controll.. And most impostant thing is, racism.

I'm trying to love every race for who they are, maybe sometimes i have my anger but I'm really trying my best in accepting everyone. For God so love the world, He never choose your skin colour, infact He love you because you are brown, think that black actually fit you best and white is just nice for you. But anyhow, tower of babble was created for a reason... I believed.. Maybe we human are too ego to bow and learn to be humble, that God accepting us eventhough we are not the chosen one are correct. And we always forgot, that it is our pleasure to be chosen..

Lord I pray deeply that one have eye and ear for every human kind, as I am still learning..


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She Is - Fray

She is leaving in a week time, when we met just now we cried. We both know each other so well and deep down there is no one as understand as her.

There is so much I wanted to tell but time is not on my side, after this I don't know when can we ever meet again despite what is going to happen soon. Things changed and we both accepted it.

For now, I pray that angels will be with her in every circumstances. I pray to Lord to take care of her, be strong on everything for Lord is the shepherd we shall not fear. We are strong girls we can survive..

I love you

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Sometimes - Papa Roach

Sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out, I have think to make me sleep, cos it's my only lullaby.

Sometimes I drive so fast, just to feel the danger, I wanna scream it makes me feel alive.

Sometimes I talk so loud, just to be the attention, wondering why there is no one care.

Sometimes I walked within the line, but I still craving for the adrenaline, wanting to feel the blood rushing to my brain, tasting the pain through my vain and smelling the air bursting into my lung.

Sometimes i hate myself, being so perky and clumsy, thinking it would be perfect if I would be a man, so I could just ditch everything and be myself.

Sometimes I even hate everything, always falling into the wrong places and wrong timelines.

Sometimes i break my promise, cos being nice wasn't fun anymore.

Sometimes I want to be prestige, chasing my power and reputation, and even that couldn't satisfy my hunger of searching.

Sometimes I talk crap, just to act that I know life, always wish to be that someone who deliver the inspiration and messages.

Sometimes it's fun to be rude and bossy, so life would be fair that even me have the chance to yell.

Sometimes i want to be pretty, being masculine was not even attractive or sweet.

Sometimes I wish I lost my memory, I even dream that I can re-live my life, anything that makes me human.

Sometimes, just sometimes I wish I am dumb and naive, so I can live life happily, no worries and burden, and everything will be so gorgeous! and most important thing is, I don't have to feel annoyed with myself anymore..




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Love Me Dead - Ludo

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
(1Corinthian 13:4-8)

To be in love you will need a lot of courage specially when it is a real compliacted one. Sometimes people will get lost and forgot that love actualy keeps no record of wrongs. When someone actually asking you to payout for what you had done and counting your mistake, that is not love anymore. It could be a revenge or joke, definately it's not love.

But love is a very objective topic, it's either you love or you not. As simple as that. There is no slightly love, no love with hatret, postpond love or any word you used to describe it. It is just as simple as > love! (so far it's my own definition)

Love is a blessing from God to show us and let us know how much He love us and show us how much He is willing to sacrifice for us. I know what love could lead to, I tasted love and know how much is love, I breath the sacrifice and smell the pain, but comparing to Gods love, we are nothing.

For God so love the world, He send His only son.. Now I'm glad and treasure that I have God as my shepherd, He make me realise what is love.. And I'm still the simple human who seek for it.. I need love..




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